Blue--->Jam

**Rant In (E) Minor** · November 27th, 2000, 08:54 AM

Doctor: ?Come in.?

Jason Murray: ?Morning.?

Doctor: ?Ah, yes, have a seat. Jason Murray, isn?t it??

Jason Murray: ?That?s right, yes.?

Doctor: ?Do you know I banged you mother in here once??

Jason Murray: ?...uhh...?

Doctor: ?Ages ago. Up the arse. How is her arse??

Jason Murray: ?I don?t know what you?re talking about.?

Doctor: ?When she brought you in with measles. You were about um, five, no??

Jason Murray: ?I really have no idea what you?re talking about.?

Doctor: ?I?m pretty sure it was your Mum. Now, what seems to be the trouble??

Jason Murray: ?Well, I?ve come in about a rash on my stomach.?

Doctor: ?Wonderful white arse, smacking all round the ball area,?

Jason Murray: ?Doctor, can-:

Doctor: ?hot, pink socket of bliss.?

Jason Murray: ?Doc-?

Doctor: ?Now, let?s see the stomach. Hmmm, you?ve got your mother?s stomach, sort of, yeah. I can definitely see your mother?s stomach in yours. Not
quite as nice, if that?s not too rude. Yes, probably got tainted by your dad?s didn?t it, unpleasant little shit, your dad, hmmm??

Jason Murray: ?Well, no, actually, can you shut up talking-?

Doctor: ?Well, I think he is. He?s probably completely bald now, isn?t he? God, that wouldn?t suit him, ugly fucker.?

Jason Murray: ?He?s dead.?

Doctor: ?Oh, no I don?t think so.?

Jason Murray: ?My father is dead.?

Doctor: ?No, I don?t remember doing the certificate.?

Jason Murray: ?It was another doctor.?

Doctor: ?Well, if I didn?t do it, you can pretty much forget it as a diagnosis.?

Jason Murray: ?Look-?

Doctor: ?If you dig him up, you?ll probably find scratch marks inside the coffin lid.?

Jason Murray: ?He was cremated.?

Doctor: ?God! Didn?t you wonder what all the screaming was about??

Jason Murray: ?There wasn?t any screaming!?

Doctor: ?A guy burns his dad alive and pretends that he can?t hear the screaming.?

Jason Murray: ?Can I be seen by another doctor, please??

Doctor: ?Oh, that won?t do you much good, they?re all wankers in this place.?

Jason Murray: ?I find this conversation very uncomfortable, so I?d like to-?

Doctor: ?Well, don?t worry, it won?t last all day. The good news is that there is nothing wrong with your stomach.?

Jason Murray: ?What do you mean? It?s covered in a bloody rash, look.?

Doctor: ?Oh no, that?s just a bit red, that?s all.?

Jason Murray: ?Well, it?s extremely painful, actually.?

Doctor: ?Oh, come on.?

Jason Murray: ?it?s stopping me sleeping, so-?

Doctor: ?I?m surprised the suppressed memory of your dad?s burning screams isn?t stopping you sleeping.?

Jason Murray: ?What??

Doctor: ?Cream or pill??

Jason Murray: ?Sorry??

Doctor: ?Cream or pill? For your rash.?

Jason Murray: ?Oh, um, both please.?

Doctor: ?Yeah, both. Typical. I might have guessed. OK, there you are (hands prescription over).?

Jason Murray: ?Thanks.?

Doctor: ?And do try and get a look at your mum?s arse.?

Jason Murray: ?I?m going to have to report this, Doctor.?

Doctor: ?Oh, don?t do that. Find your mum?s arse, stare at it, and let your mind take it back twenty years, smoothing out the divots and creases.?

Jason Murray: ?Doctor, I really would appreciate it-?

Doctor: ?Hang on, I haven?t finished. Picture it aged twenty-five, and I?ll give you a tenner if you don?t get a significant
genital firming.?

Jason Murray: ?This is fucking outrageous!?

Doctor: ?Oh, alright, off you go, but you don?t know what you?re missing.?

[Jason Murray EXITS]

Doctor (SHOUTS): ?If you change your mind, bring me a photo!?

[Jason Murray ENTERS]

Jason Murray: ?Doctor??

Doctor: ?Yes??

Jason Murray: ?You?re enjoying this, aren?t you??

Doctor: ?Hmmmm. Anything wrong with that??

Jason Murray: ?Yes, there is, actually.?

Doctor: ?Do you want to smack me??

Jason Murray: ?Sorry??

Doctor: ?Do you want to smack me for being a bad boy??

[Jason Murray EXITS]